I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
