Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He kissed a someone with a penis
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
