I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
