The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
