i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
