its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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