The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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