he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
