Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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