what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ladies don't puke and tell
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
