His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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