i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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