We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
