I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
