he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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