what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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