is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
