I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
