I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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