real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
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so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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