i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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