Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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