can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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