All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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