it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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