i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
