Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
