Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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