hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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