WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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