my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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