we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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