Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
