She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize