i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
