where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
