she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
