the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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