I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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