Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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