they need to just BURY HIM!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
