sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
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We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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