Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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