Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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