Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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