1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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