You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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