He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize