Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
