I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
