This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am naked and annoyed.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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