soooo we both peed the bed last night...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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