His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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