Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
honey bunches of taint.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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