Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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