Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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