I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
