He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
