Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
