So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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